You only got to f--- up once. Be a little slow, be a little late. Just once. And how you ain’t gonna never be slow, never be late?
- Avon Barksdale - The Wire S01E05
I was the only Indian kid in the hip-hop workshop and that almost killed me.
Yet I was given an easier time by the instructors than the only Russian kid.
The workshop consisted of lessons on rhyme scheme, cadence and hip-hop history
I went with my friend Brian.
The promise was to attend 10 classes & receive $100 at the end.
The rules:
- attend every class
- participate
- don’t punch anyone
If you did all that you’d receive $100.
The problem was that word spread about the ‘easy money.’
Kids started showing up as of class 3 & 4 expecting to get paid.
5 kids showed up in class 9 expecting the same.
It was gearing up for a tense class 10.
But then the instructors didn’t show up.
They’d saved themselves from a brawl by screwing over the honest kids.
Brian & I were owed $100 each.
He has been smart enough to get one of the instructors numbers in an earlier class.
He called and got an answer. The instructor told him to meet at a school the following day.
Brian was charitable and took me along with him. We were walking to the bus stop when it came around the corner.
Brian crossed a red light & ran towards it, cutting off traffic.
I didn’t have a cellphone. If Brian got on that bus my $100 was forfeit.
The time spent thinking this over put me a half-second behind him & a half-second closer to the 18-wheeler hurtling towards the crosswalk.
I heard the honk louder than any ever again. I heard it rip past behind me. I ran up to the bus driver, slowing down & triumphant. He looked shaken.
“Another second and you would’ve been done.”
I was drunk on adrenaline, paid my fare and walked back to Brian, already seated.
I started dwelling on this decision a bit after but not long.
But it stayed with me.
I would come back to it again and again over years, feeling worse every time.
I’ve commited crimes that haunt me less.
It takes a long time to hone your split second judgement enough to make the opposite decision in moments like these.
Now, $100 matters less, my life matters more and my feet move slower.
Age didnt explain it. Any number divided by 0 is 0.
Another similar situation could result in running being the life saving decision. This time it was sitting put.
No matter how much I try and comfort myself, I know a similar circumstance could come ip. The stakes will be different and the setting will be too.
The choice could have immediate death in the mix.
All I can do is stay fit.
My advice, Think about how you’ll die